Your dog knows you’re an idiot
Our pets spend so much time observing us and being there for us, in ways we never even thought of. While you may think you are the greatest thing in the world to your pup, the fact is, you’re likely an idiot to him/her. Let me explain.
Slam! Door closed, you’re out of the house. And you didn’t take Bruno? Well, if he could bark human, he would have a few things to say about that, jerk.
For one, how could you possible handle the dangers of the outside world without your trusted, much stronger advisor? The odds are really not in your (or Bruno’s) favor.
“What if a bear attacked you at the grocery store? Or who would warn you about the scheisty squirrel by your car? Who, I ask you??!”
“Without me, you literally wouldn’t know how to wipe your own ass. Seriously, you could do better. Let me tell you what a regular day looks like for me:”
“And if we share, it counts. – you know I would never let you eat alone. The amount of goodness you drop is outrageous(, but could also be more, if you ask me). I’m still not sure why we even keep the ‘trash’ around, it’s such a waste.”
“Every fu*king day with this guy. He tries to come through the slot and you don’t even care?! You slowly trot toward the door as if danger wasn’t waiting on the other side. What moron would act like that? Sometimes I don’t even know who you are, Brad.”
“Honestly, I’m embarrassed for you. How often can you possibly fall for the same hypnosis-trick? It’s like you are unaware, or stupid… it’s probably stupidity, let’s be honest. You get stuck for HOURS on that thing, DAILY! Without me, you would already be a slave to your robot. Beep Boop!”
“I’ve tried leaving you alone, and what do you do? You get trapped by the damn robot again, or eat a snack without me clearing the ground for you. So at some point I decided it was best, if I was always going to stay by your side. I mean, what would you do without me?”
“Consequences are everything. I eat at 6 sharp.”
Thanks for reading!
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